It is a chapter of my life that I have rarely shared with anyone, except for those of course who have read my book. And I dare share it now because I have seen people sharing skeletons from their closets recently, quite unabashedly, and I find no reason to hide mine.
So, the story is recently I had a cousin of mine read my book and when I asked her opinion on the story, she only remarked upon one episode (from the entire book!) where I was emotionally abused and neglected by my own mother as a child. I did not expect it honestly. I had written the book in a state of flow and did not expect to create such an impact on my readers (yes, a few others have also noticed that chapter in my book).
In a country where parents are worshipped almost consistently and without question, my story has been oddly different. Upon receiving therapy (much later in life), I discovered I was born to a narcissist mother. So, narcissists lack empathy and often abuse the child (in case of a parent) to vent out their anger. They are also master manipulators. Now that I connect the dots I recall how I used to be beaten ruthlessly without erring. When my friends told loving stories of their mothers, I oddly never connected. For me, motherhood always stood as a symbol of evil.
Therapy taught me the psychology of a narcissist parent. Now, as I told my cousin, I look at it as fate. Honestly, I could not have chosen the parent I was born to. There were scars for many years, and now they have healed – thanks to therapy.
I only learnt that we must learn to forgive and give a closure to a dark chapter in life. Having said that, I do not wish a narcissistic parent to my worst enemy.
Talking of scars, I recently started reading Knife by Salman Rushdie. ‘Meditations After An Attempted Murder’ as he calls it, is a riveting tale. Though written subliminally, I would not wish such an onslaught on anyone. For someone to survive 14 stab wounds and then revive in a hospital is a nightmare. Rushdie of course abstains from self pity and occasionally looks at the situation rather humorously. He also gives due credit to his wife Eliza, who stood firm with him in hospital and rehab. I am halfway through and very curious to how it unfolds. If you are into memoirs, this one is recommended.
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