This is not how I am
I have become comfortably numb-
– Pink Floyd
What if a man is devoid of repent or desire? May be these feelings exist in the weight of one’s existence, and he has to bear it around till the sun sets on life. Being aware of every feeling, as enlightening as it might sound, is also an unbearable feeling of a void that one can stare into. Having fled from hedonism for eons of years yet devouring it with gluttoy, I still repel the epicurean way of living, especially when it comes to the matters of the mind. Being aware of the Me and belittling at the behest of commanding consciousness.
What if someone dies? Why do you feel sad when you are aware all that is born is going to finish one day? Human evolution is cursed by its own tendency for excitement, the dreaded release of dopamine that kicks feelings and emotions that often master our moods and whims.
What if someone is born? Why be happy about the existence of another human in the sea of humans? And then be involved in an ebb and flow of emotions with him.
We define purposes to life – ambition, happiness, family welfare, political change, etc. But what is the universal definition of purpose, or is it ‘to each his own’. I particularly am disturbed when I hear the purpose of life is to be happy. Being happy or trying to be happy? And what makes you happy? Success, relationship, car, house, Phd, recognition? And is it eternal and sustainable? And isn’t it shallow enough to disturb us?
A man who has enough awareness and luxury of time might discover the purposelessness of purpose and hide behind the veil of ignorance. Discovery of metaphysics only leads to more baffling questions – a thirst for which there is perhaps no water well.
Is the man born with the idea of him being right and others wrong? His belief being universal belief, and the mankind obliged to obey to his sermons. What is good and what is bad in its own individual existence? Isn’t is a perspective? So why do good and bad, and rights and wrongs exist? Why is there an adjective to define when that definition by its nature debatable and corrupt?